Vulnerable share/ Passion

Hey there,

It's Monday which is an accountability check in with myself.

I like to go back in my journal and accomplish the tasks that I didn't get to finish the previous week and complete them.

Something I have been meaning to do was complete a blog post I started in January. I started it and planned on completing quickly but for some reason #momlife, it got put off. Since I started sharing my health and fitness journey it has been important for me to stay 100% transparent with all I do. I can appreciate when the people I look up to for inspiration share their struggles open and honestly.

Because I'm consistent, I will follow through with that blog post I have been meaning to finish but for now I have something else weighing on me that I feel the need to share. In the moment and from the heart.

A little more about transparency and consistency. 
The last 2 weeks have been a whirl wind of emotions, I felt like I was on a  roller coaster ride of all the feelings, I felt strong, excited, terrified, supported, overwhelmed, defeated and proud.

My goal in sharing this is to ignite strength within someone else struggling to find their purpose and chase their goals. It is not easy, but I know practising vulnerability allows others the space to do the same. Vulnerability equals growth.

I have felt my strongest while helping others to find theirs 
I don't want to take up much of your time so I'll get right to it.
I found my love for spinning about a year ago and when Soul Cycle moved to Vancouver this summer that fuelled my love for it even more. I easily got hooked, there is so much to love about Soul Cycle. The obvious external components like the dark room, great music, motivating instructors who look like a magical unicorn riding a bike. For me personally it's what is underneath all of that. The connection you have with other people, the soulful moments when you turn inward, connecting to what your soul is telling you to do, tapping into your strength and building on it. Every workout is more then a workout for me, what keeps me coming back are the mental breakthroughs I have experienced in that room.

My Passion is people, specifically woman that can use some love and support through difficult times. Something you may not know about me is that I use to work at an all woman's recovery house which I operated all on my own for many years. At one time in my life I was operating 6 drug and alcohol recovery houses and it's staff while I was in my early 20's. I thought this was my calling, I wanted to be a substance abuse counsellor and had been taking pre-requisites for the program for a year.

During this time is when I felt I was living in my purpose. I felt the most fulfilled having been able to connect with woman during times of struggle while battling the disease of addiction. Guiding them in times they felt they had nothing or no-one to live for. Watching them rebuild their self love, gain self confidence and create beautiful lives made all of the emotionally draining moments worth it.
Until I become so attached to their outcome that I was unable to give back to myself when I needed it. Self care became very difficult and I quickly got burnt out. This lead me down another path of caring for people but in a much different way. I became a nurse.

This experience has something to do with Soul Cycle because being an instructor there gives you the same ability to connect with people at a similar level. If you have ever been to a Soul Cycle class you understand what I'm talking about. In November 2017 Soul Cycle held auditions in Vancouver on their tour for instructor training. I wanted to participate but 1.I was terrified, I thought my fitness level wasn't good enough as spinning at this level was very new to me. 2. All of the usual negative self talk flooded in, it was all around being older then everyone there, being a mother and feeling less then confident about 1000 other things that I could come up with. After getting over my fears of trying and failing, I showed up and gave it my all. It was such good experience but as I thought it just wasn't my time. I committed to myself in that moment that next time no matter where or when they hold auditions I will go and be better.

Since auditions I had been riding as much as I possibly could to get stringer. Some days I did 2 classes in one day, because I wanted to get better and I loved being there. For 5 months I woke at 5:30am most days- just to take a class at 7:00am, driving back and forth from home to clients to the studio, working from coffee shops close to the studio because I had to go back there in the evening. Driving back and forth literally 4 time a day, picking up  my son from pre-school then heading right back to the studio for another class. I woke up early every single weekend, I went to Schwinn training to get certified just to make me more confident in my teaching ability and learn how to cue a class. I was spinning 4-5 days a week, growing my business, managing a family and going through all the motions of life. It was difficult to manage but I knew this is what I wanted and I was willing to push myself everyday to go after it.

When you make plans god laughs at you

Not thinking about the next Soul Cycle auditions I walked into the spin studio in my community when I heard they were hiring and ambitiously asked for a position. Well almost begged that they let me be apart of their instructor training occurring that day. Grateful to have the opportunity, the training and be part of something important to me in my own community where I get to grow and develop my skills. I was so happy to land a job that doesn't really feel like work because I love doing it.

The very next day Soul Cycle announced they were doing auditions again but this time in L.A. Feeling content in the position I have with the new studio, I didn't know if Soul was something I still wanted to do or not. You can not beat working somewhere close to home, comfort and stability. This job was what I have wanted for a while and I get the freedom to bring whatever I want to my podium in this studio. I knew deep down that I made a commitment to myself and that I would never know unless I followed through with it.

I didn't tell many people about my plans, I'm very superstitious and didn't want to jinx it. I wasn't on the schedule at the new place and didn't want to jinx that or be disrespectful to them in anyway. Soul Cycle will always be my first love for spinning and following through with that is something I needed to do for me.

Passion will lead you to your purpose 

This past weekend I flew to L.A.because I got accepted to audition for Soul Cycle. Feeling so excited because not everyone has the opportunity to audition but also nervous and confident at the same time-It's weird going for auditions and being judged. I went there with a mindset that was prepared for either answer. I knew that I worked so hard and owed it to myself to take a chance and try or I will never know. This entire journey pushed me to ask myself some really deep questions. What is it about being a Soul Cycle Instructor was I feeling a connection with?

Was this allowing me to live in my purpose?
I'm so grateful that through this journey I discovered my primary purpose and that I have been living it out in my career choices this entire time. I may have been using different vehicle to drive my purpose at different points of my life but it always remained the same.

On audition day there were 2 parts to the audition, we had 60 people go into the studio and ride while the recruitment team watches you perform to short clips of music they choose while calling out what they want you to do. They let you go out in the waiting area while they decide who they are cutting.
While I was sitting there, I noticed a girl alone sitting on the floor looking very nervous sighing and looking around. I decided to approached her to take her mind off of whatever she was going through inside of her head alone. I know how scary it can be in there alone with your thoughts- over thinking your every move. Attempting to calm her nerves I chatted with her asking her questions about her life. She asked me how come I was so clam, I wasn't calm! Inside I was freaking out about not getting called back in, I shared that this was my second time auditioning. Her jaw dropped, she was shocked that I came from Vancouver and that I came back again after hearing no. I told her I could see how important it was to her or it wouldn't be effecting her like this. She stated the obvious reason of why she want to be a Soul cycle instructor and I started mine. We both didn't get called back into the room. She approached me after with tears in her eyes to say thank you for inspiring me to keep trying. It stung a little to hear no again but I felt like no matter what I got to do something today that was meaningful to me. That is and what it really is about for me so I left that studio feeling accomplished and satisfied.


The reason I'm sharing this story with you is because I want it to ignite something in someone else. I hope you are following your heart and are doing what feels right for you, to continue chasing your dreams and aspirations. I questioned myself so many times If I should share this journey with you and my mind kept going back to that one girl feeling defeated and alone. If you take anything from my story, please let it be that you do NOT let your head get in the way of your heart and follow your purpose. If I had listened to my head I would never follow though with my decision to go and try again. If you are living out your purpose you will not have resistance in the universe, things will flow to you easily because you are not selling yourself out. When you feel like something is unfulfilled find a way to let it go, so you do not sabotage your purpose.

Something that came up for me so much during this journey is the obstacle's I faced while approaching my goals. I want to remind you those obstacles are placed there to give you awareness. If it was easy I wouldn't have appreciated it. I didn't accomplish my goals this time but I was able to connect with someone to keep pushing for theirs. That is why I'm so happy I went back.
Finding inner strength to dig deep and being mentally tough is delicious when you get a taste of it.
I encourage you to keep fighting for what is important to you.

You got this, you are more then enough.

As always so much gratitude for listening and coming along on this journey with me.

I appreciate every single word, conversation and hug that I have received during this time, some of what I shared came to me in some heavy conversations with fiends. Having the space to pass them along to you makes me more then happy.

C.K.